After a break-up, a lot of persons believe everything
happened because they have not been nice or gentle enough. As a
consequence, they often end up harassing their ex by calling or
following them constantly, which is naturally the worst thing to do.
The truth is that your ex probably went away because you were
excessively nice and soft, and not the other way around. Would you
truly want to keep a friend who is constantly afraid of displeasing you
and as a consequence never expresses his own personality? And yet, it
is the way a lot of persons behave with their partner or their ex,
which always end up in frustration and suffering. The unique manner to
avoid that is to introduce a few challenge in your relationship.
First and foremost, challenge comes from a perpetual interaction
between partners. Not the sort of “interaction” resulting from
tasteless and hypocrit conversations, or from the self-centered need of
one partner, but rather an interaction resembling a game, with its
cohort of surprises, strategies, and new developments. Just like in a
game, a relationship cannot last without some excitation and
entertainment. Your ex should feel that being with you is stimulating
and represents an enrichment for him or her. You should be a resource
that makes his or her life more stimulating. You realize now why being
perpetually in need for the other cannot be successful.
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The will of your partner will always revolve around
those same universal concepts, however it might be beneficial to ask
them what they wish from the relationship. You will probably be
surprised by the answers. Of course, you should not attempt to fulfill
every single desire from your ex, but alternatively try to understand
their aspirations and their feelings about life and relationships in
general. What is important is to have a foundation on which to rely to
change things the right way. By acknowledging their intimate
expectations, you will be able to trigger their curiosity and to become
the one that could fulfill your ex’s needs.
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The alterations you introduce should be progressive and
should let ample room for surprises and excitation. Your ex should get
turned on and should attempt to imagine what you are going to do. Those
alterations should be the consequence of your actions only. You should
not be pompous or make speeches about how much you have understood him
or her, as this is the best manner to lose all your credit. Behaving in
a somewhat unpredictable and stimulating manner is much more effective
and will hook your ex’s attention. He/she will also wish to be involved
and to play a part in your life once more.
